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Plot for a not-so-funny sitcom:
Pimpy-Aaaaarrr and Pimpy-Jay band together to write the first
and best adventurer's guide to Nicaragua. Pimpy-Aaaaarrr completes his work
with the Corps of Engineers and moves out of his luxury
crashpad in the wealthy Las Colinas neighborhood of Managua and packs up his
office in the extravagant and colonial Casa Grande. Together he and Pimpy-Jay look for a place to live. They wind up at...
The Pimp Tower, a.k.a. Edificio Piramide, in Reparto San Juan,
Managua. $250 a month plus phone. A 270 degree view of the skyline from
above the tree tops, and no way in hell of getting out in case of an earthquake.
It's no small irony the Pimptower is planted on top of a seismic fault. Former
inhabitants have fled in fear of the lightning-attractor steel dome top, and the
funky crooked cardboard walls. Our heroes are unfazed.
Wild wooley balls of body hair ankle-deep on the floor,
hurricane gusts rattling the panes in the windows, a downspout of a leak in one
wall that pees rainwater onto the floor every time there's a shower. There's
barely space to turn around, and like superheroes on a quest to pin down the
arch-enemy and destroyer of free time and sanity, "Travel Guide,"
Pimpy-Aaaaarrr and Pimpy-Jay spend 8 weeks within 20 feet of each other, slowly
festering in unwashed bachelordom, body cavity odors, and fast-food.
They complete the book, which goes on to become the most popular travel guidebook to Nicaragua ever. Nuff said. And hey, no one ever said
being an author was glamorous.
Starring:
Josué as Pimpy-Jay
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The Randymon as Pimpy-Aaaaarrr
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With Appearances by:
| Diesel |
Low-life friend of Pimpy-J's. Bad element who
drops in and out at random ungodly hours of the night, usually to heckle the authors, peddle
barbiturates, and
litter the apartment with pornography. |
| Sucky-Chick |
Lives downstairs in a box-apartment over the parking lot.
Would probably be comic relief if she weren't so annoying.
Speaks rapid Spanglish, might be on coke. |
| Fumes |
Quirky but loveable Japanese girl whose hair color cycles
through psychedelic rainbow shades from week to week. Like an anime character, except she
chain smokes marlboros with the filters cut off. |
| Manwell |
The obligatory good-natured gay neighbor. Kind of like
"Will and Grace" for the over-60 set. |
| Zander |
Galician wood merchant. Completely incomprehensible.
Might be speaking Spanish, might just be snot. |
| Sleazy-P |
general handyman who likes to introduce himself with,
"Hi, wannna buy me some grain alcohol?" Occasionally found
knocking on Manwell's door at 4 AM, drunk and asking for money owed.
Hmmm. |
| ...and more |
The Pimptower, turns out, is rumored to be populated with
minister's mistresses, foreigners, homosexuals, prostitutes, and wayward
transients like our own pimpy selves. The sheer potential for bit parts
is amazing, including "the little girl with glasses,"
"the Taliban boyfriend," "Dazey the cat," and the
thieving maids, "the strung-out cocktail waitress upstairs,"
and Stimpy, Pimpy-Jay's would-be gay lover, thwarted again and again.
Try losing the dumb hat, Stimpy. |
Also Starring:
The Doctah
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Mister Roper, move
over,wuss-bag, you've been out-classed. The Doctah is known
across town for getting more ass than a toilet seat, for his wild Sunday
afternoon soiriees, and for his passion for 1940s Latin ballads, which
he blasts through a set of 1500 W speakers so the other neighborhoods
can share.
"I once knew a woman," his stories go, "She would come
often to my bed."
In all the Pimp tower, the Doctah was the pimpiest of them all.
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But hey, you can't beat the view:
(click the image for the wrap-around view effect)
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